Stardate 20030221.2208

(On Screen): Whenever things start to get me down, and I'm in need of comic relief, Chris Patten (the European Union's Commissioner for External Relations) always comes through for me. There was, for instance, his brilliant idea that the US should give all its wizard weapons to Europe so that the Europeans could create a military force that could be a "counterweight" to the US military.

The U.S. and its allies are likely to win a swift victory over Iraq before becoming deeply bogged down in the region, according to the European Union's Commissioner for External Relations Chris Patten.

And the growing rift between Europe and the United States over its war plans are deeply worrying, Patten said in an interview with Saturday's Daily Telegraph newspaper.

"If we're going to do this, we had better recognize the consequences," Patten was quoted as saying. "We will have to be in Iraq for a very long and expensive time."

The United States said on Friday that a strike force of around 170,000 was in the Gulf and poised to invade Iraq on the word of President Bush.

"I think the worst state of mind is to think that a quick military victory in Iraq -- which there probably will be -- will be followed by a democratic shock throughout the region," said Patten.

He said he was very worried about "a gulf in comprehension" between the United States and Europe.

If he wants to locate gulfs of comprehension, he can start by looking in a mirror. Who, exactly, is this "we" who will be doing all this? What makes him think that the EU will be invited to this party, especially in light of recent behavior by its most sterling members?

I got news for him: "we" is the US; the EU ain't invited.

"On our side of the Atlantic we simply didn't understand the impact on the American psyche of September 11," he said.

Do tell. "When the Americans said they were at war, they really meant it, with guns and bombs and everything! Who'd have thought it?"