Stardate 20020327.0431

(Captain's log): I noticed something deeply disturbing about myself tonight, while browsing the headlines in search of material. Twice I saw headlines and thought, "Aha! Terrorists attacking somewhere else. Now they get to see what it's like."

First, there were reports of a shooting in France. To begin with, the reports gave no details about who the gunman was, and given the huge problem with Algerians that France has had, it was natural to think that someone like that might be involved. It didn't turn out to be, though. It seems to have been a local, someone who regularly attended the town council meetings and finally went postal at one, for reasons not yet determined.

Then I saw a report headlined "Four dead, 18 injured in Dubai" and my first reaction was, "The Arab terrorists have started attacking Arab targets." But it didn't turn out to be that; rather, the gate to a drydock there broke and flooded the area. Fifty are missing; the deathtoll is certain to rise. It's a major disaster but probably has nothing to do with terrorism.

Why would I think that? I'm not eager to see people suffer; and as soon as I got that reaction I immediately then thought, "That's evil. Stop thinking those kinds of things." But I had that reaction twice.

I think that part of it is that as an American I have begun to feel that the rest of the world doesn't really understand the gravity of the situation. Not having been on the receiving end of an attack of their own, they perhaps can't understand just how angry we all are about it. Yes, a lot of those who died in NYC were from overseas, but it's not the same when it isn't your own city. I know I've read other people who have said things like, "If the attack had been in Paris instead of in NYC, how do you think the Europeans would have reacted?" So I don't think I'm alone in these kinds of feelings.

I do not want others to suffer terrorist attacks. If there's never another terrorist attack in the history of the world, I couldn't be more pleased. And if one does happen somewhere else, I'll be angry again, at the terrorists, not at the victims. But if it happens to one of our friends who have been preaching to us about restraint, I think it is inevitable that there will be a certain feeling of schadenfreude about it, especially if they suddenly get very hawkish about the war. I am a flawed human; it won't be possible to suppress that.

I just hope I'm classy enough not to gloat about it when the time comes.