Stardate 20020326.1605

(On Screen): African leaders are meeting to try to continue progress on the African "Marshall Plan". This has been misbegotten from the beginning, if for no other reason than because the name is inexact.

Let's go further: the name is a lie. The Marshall Plan was conceived by a donor country; this plan is being conceived by the recipients. The terms of the Marshall Plan were determined by the donor, but the terms of this new plan will be decided by the recipients.

But they're worried, based on current world events and on speeches made last week in Mexico, that their plan won't get off the ground. So they're meeting now to try to make it happen, to try to reengage the countries they expect to get largesse from.

They promise to work for good government, pluralism, free elections, honest courts, reduced corruption and all the other things that President Bush demanded in his speech last week. They're going to issue a report out of this meeting which says so. (They don't promise they'll actually do it, mind; just that they'll give it lip service and pretend to work towards it.)

Of course, one of the problems is how it gets determined who is actually doing a good job, and the idea of foreign nations making that judgement is unacceptable interference in African internal affairs.

The solution? The African nations will judge each other and issue regular report cards on how well they're doing, and the rest of the world will accept these and thus not have to decide for themselves. What a great idea. (I predict grade inflation.)

The African Nations have proved their commitment to honest evaluation of their neighbors by how they handled the recent election in Zimbabwe.

Of course, the price is right. Only $64 billion.

Per year.

Forever.

With no strings attached.

And no guarantee of results. Such a deal.

––––Someone in Africa is on drugs.