Stardate 20030327.1747

(On Screen): A few days ago I quipped that there was no French word for chutzpah because a fish has no word for water. Another reason we can't use that word is that it is inadequate; it's like describing an ocean as a "really big puddle". The latest diplomatic moves by the French demonstrate truly unmitigated and unprecedented gall.

The new theory is that the US and UK will fight the war, and will spend the money to pay for it (upwards of $70 billion), and that once the war is over we'll happily turn post-war administration of Iraq over to the UN.

President Jacques Chirac has already laid down the guidelines for French policy, centred on the need to place all Iraqi reconstruction in the hands of the United Nations. French officials say such a move will not only reassert the central role of the UN in managing crises but also provide a proper legal framework for the delicate task of nation-building.

So in an address delivered in London, Monsieur de Villepin has offered the US an olive branch, after a fashion. All we have to do is apologize and repent, and France won't hold our misbehavior against us. They'll let bygones be bygones. After all, given that France considers the US such a deep and valuable friend of long standing, it certainly can't hold our recent misbehavior against us, as long as we acknowledge the error of our ways and promise not to do it again.

These times of great changes call for a renewed close and trusting relationship with the United States," Mr. de Villepin said, adding that France is willing.

"Because they share common values, the United States and France will re-establish close cooperation in complete solidarity," he said. "We owe it to the friendship between our peoples, for the international order that we wish to build together."

He is also holding out his hand to the British, and fondly recalled Franco-British cooperation in WWII. (One must wonder how the Germans will feel about this given that said cooperation was against Germany.)

His rhetoric focuses on how we "must rebuild the world order shattered by the Iraqi crisis," and how any new Iraqi government could only truly be considered legitimate if it were blessed by the UN. But behind his grand and principled talk is a much more concrete concern: the government of France is beginning to realize that there's a damned good chance that French companies are going to get totally frozen out of post-war business deals for equipment and reconstruction and, in particular, to develop Iraq's oil fields. If the US government controls the selection process, that is extremely likely. But if the French can, by some miracle, move the entire administration process into the UN, then in fact it will have the inside track on many of the most lucrative deals.

For example, de Villepin emphasized how critically important it was for the "oil-for-food" deal to restart immediately. His claim was that this was needed for humanitarian reasons, but it is important to note that the majority of that program has been administered by French companies. TotalFinaElf has primarily been responsible for selling the oil, and other French companies have been primary sources of the food and other supplies which have been shipped in.

He also calls for Europe to pull together and to stop feuding over this issue:

And he said Europe must continue to develop "a true European identity," with a "common foreign and security policy."

To this end, France and Britain "must overcome the current difficulties and remain united," De Villepin said.

France is not only willing to forgive the US, France is also willing to forgive the UK, as long as it, too, apologizes and stops misbehaving. All that the UK has to do is to stop striking out on its own, toe the "European" line, and let the French speak on behalf of Europe, and everything will be hunky-dory. His speech made clear that European unity was vital, and also made clear that the French were right in all of this, which implies that the only way for European unity to be regained is for everyone to acknowledge the superior wisdom and morality of France's point of view.

I can't decide if this means that de Villepin is deluded, desperate, or utterly contemptuous of our mental processes. Likely it's a bit of all three, actually, but there's a strong strain of desperation here. France is in deep trouble.

They have now been deeply damaged diplomatically, and after months on center stage are suddenly rev